Venting to Anyone and Everyone

I'm tired of being the strong one. I'm tired of hiding away in my room. I just wish I could fix everything. The fact that my mother hates me, that she hates my father, that she wants to leave.
I WANT TO LEAVE!  I don't wanna be called the 'Hermit' The only reason I stay in my room is to avoid fights to avoid being targeted. I don't even know anymore. I just needed to vent to someone. I'm so done with being here.

"Fading Love"

"Fading love"

This afternoon I was picked up by my mother from collage, like every other day of the week. Either my mother or my father would pick me up because I haven't gotten my licence yet. I'm not sure if anyone else does this but I find it easiest to bond with my mother when we are in the car, She will drive and I will talk about my day she will do the same. Today was different.

My mother normally shuts me out if I get too nosey, tells me, "It's adult business." and it normally results in a fight. But today my mother opened up to me. I'm not sure if it's because I will be turning 18 in 11 months or if she just need someone to talk to... Anyway she told me about her and my father drifting, she told me she's concidered walking out she also added that he is becoming lazy and doesn't do anything anymore. My father normally helps out around the house since (and before) my mother was diagnosed with rumatoyed atherytus at age 30 (And I too have noticed) He doesn't help out as much anymore. He has also picked up a new trait, He talks us down around our friends and/or family and makes us feel degraded.

My father is a nice person, but sometimes too nice. He will help our neighbours, mowing their yard if they are sick, help build things and just all round help out. Sometimes he is helping them more then us. I know he still loves us though. He sometimes forgets that his wife is sick and one out of the four of his children has a mental disability. I am the oldest, therefore I have to help out the most. Sometimes it is tough with the fights and school all mashed into one. Last year I reached out for help with my depression that I had been suffering with for a long time and I still require medication for it.

My mother reached out to me for the first time... I felt overwhelmed with sadness though. She told me she felt like her's and my fathers love was fading. They never spend time together anymore, never do romantic things, they just don't communicate at all anymore and I, I felt guilty for that. I know that sounds stupid, I'm just a kid. But that was it, I was their kid. I was the thing that kept them coming back to each other. If I wasn't the mistake that made my father come back to my mother after 7 years then there wouldn't be fighting, there would be no sadness, there would be no "love" fading...

Tell me if I sound like an idiot or a I actually making sense.
Can anyone relate to this? Let me know.

- Raven